An Inside View

Ok, this post is completely to do with my last one (since it was only yesterday)...

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel...I need ye to tell me how to feel. I mean I'm grateful with what the Injuries board etc have decided I should receive, more than happy like... but I feel so guilty being happy that my life is set (economically at least) for the very long future....when it took a horrible accident and the life of my friend to give me that future. Today it was confirmed that I would be receiving everything offered to me, I should have it in eleven days, but instead of sighing with relief that its over, I've spent the last half hour in tears because of why I'm receiving this..... I hate today !!!!

This is a poem by him, aged 15...

THUMP, thump goes my mother's heart,
The chords echo in the walls of my surroundings soothing me to breathe
Floating inside a dark anxious space as I stretch out my short limbs
They brush against the cushion border of my small belly
Sometimes my world is very small, sometimes big...
Each day I'm growing and each day I'm starting to shrink,
I can sense my surroundings were preparing me for something,
Something out of the ordinary, something that would change my life for ever,
Sometimes I can hear distant noises, (from afar)
Noises I have never heard before,
I open my eyes to stare at two figures who create more noise than I had ever heard,
Eventually I was conveyed to the arms of a woman,
At first I was so frightened, I wailed,
But then, this woman held me closely and one familiar sound returned,
A sound that told me who this woman was, Thump, thump, At this point I knew I was safe, In the hands of my mother,
And I listened to the fading,
Thump, thump, thump.

He was 15 and brilliant :)

This is what caused it all....this is what has me in tears....this is what has Michael gone...this is what has me set up for life..... emotional roller-coaster is an understatement of what I feel right now and ranting on this blog the last two days is all that seems to get me going, their is one person who knows all that went on but I can't talk to him because we are 'friends' but he doesn't really wanna be so I'm alone except for ye....

Confused, N <3